Now that we completed the adoption, I can legitimately claim my son as a dependent and receive health care through my employer. Luckily, I was already able to do so because my employer offers benefits for domestic partners and children. However, it is convoluted and expensive. At first, when I registered my partner and son, the cost of their benefits was added to my salary and taxed, significantly reducing my paycheck. After several months I learned, by accident, that because I financially support both of them I can claim them both as dependents on my tax return, meaning I am no longer taxed on their benefits.

None of this information was easy to find out and my HR department would not give me any advice–they told me to consult a tax adviser.  If everyone were entitled to health care, it wouldn’t have been an issue. Representative Tammy Baldwin worked to have several LGBT provisions included in the bill, one of which was the Tax Equity for Health Plan Beneficiaries Act, but none of themm were included in the final bill.

Our appointment was for 9am at the Brooklyn family court (330 Jay St.) The Adoptions office is on the 22nd floor, which you get to by taking an elevator up to the 12th and then getting another elevator. The clerks were very helpful and went down to retrieve our camera from the security desk (cameras are taken away when you go through the metal detector but you are allowed to have them for adoptions, so the clerks bring them up.) The room had blocks and books for kids and was soon full of people waiting to be processed.

Our lawyer showed up but didn’t quite recognize us at first. It turned out she was the twin sister of our lawyer and we had never actually met her before. She said they look alike and the only difference is the color of clairol they use. Her hair did look slightly different. She had another lesbian client couple at the same time. She repeated the advice to them that she had given to us: stand up until the judge tells you to sit, say yes when they show you your signature, etc.

We went in, stood, sat down, swore or affirmed to tell the truth, said we had signed the petition, and the judge said we were finished and could take a picture. It is a big relief to have it finished–we’re just waiting for the paperwork to be sent to us. The lawyer says we’ll even get a NY birth certificate with both our names on it in about 6 months.

One of the things that we found helped us keep track of these things was taking a gentle project management approach to the process–for example, I just wanted to find out when I sent the request so I checked the project record. We used the free version of basecamp but there are plenty of other sites out there offering similar functionality. Our lawyer is not very organized–that is, she knows all the things that need to be done but wasn’t able to hand us a list. So, after asking her several times to tell us all the things we needed to do, we created a project for ourselves and set milestones with “to-do”s for each of us. It made it all seem much more manageable, especially as we procrastinated at the beginning feeling overwhelmed.

In New York, you can search for court dates by case number or attorney name/company: http://iapps.courts.state.ny.us/fcasfamily/main.

We are all required to appear and bring photo ID. Family, friends, and a camera are also allowed. I know many people celebrate when the adoption is complete (thus the witnesses and photography). But I think we feel like it is necessary but not necessarily a joyous occasion. Yay, the government allows me to officially be a parent to my child. Thanks government.

I was born in another country (to American parents) and our son was also born in another country. In this case, we were told to provide two certified copies of the original birth certificate from the country of birth and two certified copies of the consular report of birth. However, you can’t request multiple copies of the consular report of birth. Each one is numbered and can only be replaced if you lose the one you were given at the embassy. So, instead, we made photocopies and had them notarized. The notary was a little unsure about what to do since she says she only notarizes signatures but I told her to say she had seen the original and I signed my name, which seemed to work.

I didn’t have my consular report and had to ask my parents for it–and they thought it was lost so I ordered a new one from the department of state. It still hasn’t arrived several months later and luckily, my mother found mine after all and sent it to me. If you need to order a new one, be prepared to wait months. I think the department of state sends the request to the foreign embassy to find the record (and, in my case, the embassy has been closed for years, so who knows where the archive might be.)

We were told the best place to get it done is 1 Police Plaze in Manhattan. It’s right near the Chambers Street/Brooklyn Bridge stop. They are open from 9 until 4, but with anything like this, it’s best to get there first thing when they open. We waited in a line to get inside, went through security (metal detectors and bag inspection like at the airport), then waited to get a number, then waited some more in a small waiting area. The reason to go to 1 Police Plaza over other locations is that the fingerprints are taken digitally, which is probably quicker than using ink, but dependent on the technology working. We didn’t have a problem except that my partner has eczema on her hand and doesn’t have fingerprints, so they came out as useless splotches but the fingerprinter made a note that that was the best she could do. We paid $16 each and they take credit cards.

Our lawyer sent us the forms we needed to fill out before we went to get the fingerprints, but I believe you can find the same form on the LawInfo site. We also had to list every address we had lived at since 1973, which was difficult for me because I have moved around a lot. I called my parents and asked them for addresses but even they didn’t have records for all of them. For all of your adult addresses, if you don’t remember them, you can get them from a credit check, which you can get free once a year.

Fingerprints and record checks expire after 6 months, so there’s a possibility that they’ll have to be done a second time if the process takes too long.